Halloween

The kids
Sometimes quite inspiring

Passing Judgment

Judgment:
1. the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion
2. the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind

As humans we need to judge to a degree. It helps us to know if we are in a dangerous situation or around people that may affect our mental state or well being. It can be used to better our selves and those around us. It can be used to save our lives. It has many useful purposes. But when do we take it too far?
We all have a past and we have all done things that others may not approve of, but just because they don't approve doesn't mean it wasn't right for you at the time.
For instance, we may pass judgment on someone who uses drugs. But we have no idea what brought them there and what it's like to be them.
People perceive situations as their instincts tell them to and they internalize it.
Let's say we have siblings of the same gender and close in age. They grew up in an abusive environment. A parent is screaming and yelling at them about what horrible children they are. One can perceive and internalize this and agree with the parent believing they are useless and worthless and they grow up to be a drug addict. The other can perceive and internalize this and completely disagree with this parent and believe that the parent is the one who is useless and worthless because of this behavior and they grow up to be a human rights attorney for abused and neglected children.
Does the drug addict deserve to be condemned and the attorney praised? Absolutely not!
Some people need permission to be okay. Some people need to actually learn how to perceive things in a healthy, non-destructive way.

Judgment comes from a place of fear, fear of the unknown, sometimes healthy, sometimes not. It's good to remember that no one is better than or less than you, they have just come from a different place and they are surviving the best they know how. Judgment is used to separate, this is what keeps us from compassion.

When children are small and they are asked what they want to be when they grow up, the answer is not, a drug addict, or a prostitute, or a lifer at San Quentin. When people become these types of character, it didn't happen over night. There were red flags as they were growing up and if we could use our judgment in a productive, helpful way, many of us would be better off. But instead, some turn their heads, make a judgment and spread gossip about the situation. If you are looking down on someone, be sure it's because your reaching your hand down to help them up. 

I'm still here

I know it has been some time since I have posted and for this I apologize. I have been doing some research on the best ways to promote a book and working on finishing my first draft.
I found two great blogs, How to Promote Your Book and Writing to Exhale. These resources have been quite helpful to me.
I have also been working on finishing my article for Human Trafficking and the information available on this subject is amazing. I'm surprised that this hasn't become a more popular topic among society.

Business cards and a self promo package are also on the way. This is a new adventure for me and I have been learning as I go, which sometimes creates internal (and external) chaos. I haven't quite figured out how to reign in the monkeys. Too many things going at once. But it's how I work best and what I love to do.
Check in with you later, Live Happy.

The End of the World?!

Have you people lost your fucking minds? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Why do you insist on interpreting the predictions that are unpredictable? Who does everyone think they are?

Aren't you tired of hearing about the end of the world? Do we have nothing better to do than create such drama? Just because the Mayan calendar runs out doesn't mean it's the end of the world. What asshole decided to start that rumor?! The Mayan calendar that currently exists is ending, because for them, a cycle of time is ending, one that happens approximately every 25,800 years. The 13th "Baktun" (count) is to end and then the long calendar will begin. You can look it up anywhere on the internet or in the library. No where does it say the world is going to end at that time.

Let's keep in mind that the apocalypse is a Western Christian belief. The Mayans do not have the same beliefs, so why would they have a calendar according to a different religion? This is the Christian way of trying to make their beliefs have some merit. Why do Christians keep wanting to be right? Especially about the end of the world? If you do believe in god, what makes you think you can interpret or know what god was thinking or planning? Do you have any idea how many times the bible has been revised by humans? So what if it's said to be the longest surviving book. All the more reason to believe that it may have changed over the years. Has anyone ever heard the term, 'lost in translation'? (and I'm not talking about the movie). 

Apparently, no one ever asked the Mayans what their calendar means, someone just made an assumption. And we know what happens when we ass-u-me, don't we?;)

We can make anything make sense or fit anywhere that we want. Apply some science and a little bit of the "supernatural" and Voila! We have a formula for whatever scare tactic the media needs to feed us at the time. What makes me sad is that society is so gullible. What's up with that?!

So what if the world is going to end? What can you do about it? NOTHING! So stop using that as an excuse for whatever you need to justify in your life and get on with today. That's what's going on right now. RIGHT NOW is going on right now! LIVE!

So far, people have predicted the end of the world several times and it hasn't happened yet. So, these fears, thus far, are just illusions. As long as there is one cell on earth, life still exists.

The truth is the truth. When truth is happening, it is very clear. It's not up for interpretation. If it can mean several different things to several different people, then it's not clear. A personal truth is clear to one. But just because it's your truth doesn't mean it's everyone's. This society has a really bad case of selective hearing.

Gravity for instance, is a clear truth. There is one way of looking at it and no other meanings or ways of interpreting it. It exists, whether you believe it or not. If you don't believe it, then tell me what's keeping your feet on the ground. It is such a truth that no one feels the need to push the belief of gravity on anyone. I am not talking about the theory of gravity. I am not talking about how it comes to be. My point is, around the globe, gravity is gravity. We can know, without a doubt that no matter where we go on earth, we will stay on the ground. There is never a doubt that gravity exists or what it's job is.

Truth and facts are two very different things. Truth is internal, facts are external. We would be wise to remember that both are subject to change.

Amazing community for drug addicts

This is quite a long video but it only takes watching half of it to fully understand the compassion and understand what some cultures have. I can only hope to be more like this. If the United States could develop something like this, which they can because ANYTHING is possible, we would be much better off in society as a whole. Although, we would have to make the life of a human being more important than money. Check it out.

http://www.sanpatrignano.org/?q=en/node/5396

Does anyone have any ideas or comments on this type of community and aid?

Sometimes, you just gotta say...what the F*@#.

What happens when we no longer care what other people think of us?

I'll tell you what happens. We become FREE! Free to be ourselves. Free to please ourselves. Free to do what we want, when we want. Free to laugh at what we actually think is funny or not to laugh at what isn't. Free to have our own opinion on anything we want and voice it. Free to wear what we want. Free to just be...who we are. Free to choose who we want in our lives because we are more concerned with who we like as opposed to who likes us.Status no longer matters (which means more money in my pocket...well, maybe not). I buy things because I enjoy them, not because I have to one-up someone else. I can know that freelance writing IS a real job and not care what anyone thinks because I can travel wherever I want, whenever I want. 

Yes, there are things I do that I don't want to do, because if I don't do them I'll feel bad about myself. (See self-pity below). So in reality, I am still doing what I want. Try it. FREE YOURSELF!

I know I want to wear these shoes without the rivet digging into my little toe.

Apple Fest

Ok, so we went to this apple fest that was going on in a nearby town close to my house. I was so excited about this event that I'd had it on my calendar for like a month. The posting for it on a web site made it so appealing. Apple this, apple that, apples, apples, apples galore! Now, I have to say, the town that it's in is a really cool old ritzy neighborhood. All of the shops are phenomenal and with that comes ridiculous price tags. But it has that vintage feel to it that I love so much. Old streetlamps that line the cobblestone roads and huge Victorian houses with wrap around porches that actually have rocking chairs on them. The downtown area has an old mill water wheel and a pond in the back with ducks the size of seals.
The streets were packed with people and kids and of course everyone has to bring their dogs, which to me, quite frankly is a tad unsanitary when you have apple pies, candy apples, chocolate dipped apple donuts and apple fritters flying around people's mouths. There were two stands for this nightmarish event. One was for apple everything and the other was for chocolate covered apple crap. The lines were wrapped around the block! It was absurd. Absolutely absurd! Are you really waiting in a mile long line to buy an apple pie that's fifteen dollars?! Why, of course we are. My mother wanted a pie and my daughter wanted a chocolate covered doughnut. (The English language is so strange sometimes isn't it? doughnut.) Did I  mention that we had to park the car two and a half miles away? But we did find an incredible Greek restaurant to eat at, that of course had a wait time of thirty minutes, but luckily my husband knew one of the women that worked there, so we were seated before I started to gnaw my own arm off. Just thinking about it makes me want a Greek salad (hold the anchovies). It was oh-so-delicious. And the weather turned out to be pretty nice considering we live in the Arctic Tundra of the Chicagoland area. Being with my family made it a worthwhile trip. We did end up going into the shops and splurged on a few items, took some pictures of flowers and such and then called it a day.

One of the shops we bought stuff from.

 

Me and my guy

Overcoming Self-Pity. Is this you?

First off, let me define self-pity. A self-indulgent attitude concerning one's own difficulties, hardships, etc...
Also let me say, I have a long history of experience with this, going through it time to time myself and having people in my life that may have this defect. It is a very draining, high-maintenance relationship to be in.

Self-Pity can also be a martyr complex. The dictionary definition of martyr: besides allowing yourself to die as a result of your beliefs, which is actually metaphoric in this situation, it means, a person who is seeking sympathy or attention by feigning, or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc... Sounds so harsh I know, but it's what Webster says.
Keep in mind that any assessment done, should only be self-assessment. By assessing someone else, a great deal of harm can actually be done.  

If you find yourself feeling defensive while reading this, you might want to stop and think...
Usually when we are offended by something it's because we fear there might be some truth to it. Unless of coarse your narcissistic, then that's a blog of a different nature.;)

Self-Pity is an addiction. It is a 'mood altering' behavior. It numbs us out to reality by blaming everyone else for the condition that our life is in. It negates us from any responsibility for our lives. Those that are addicted to self-pity don't want to have to do any work to 'fix' their lives. They want no solutions. Misery is a way of life for them and they want you to do the work to make them feel better.
They play best with others who pity themselves also. Helpless victims, that want everyone to feel sorry for them.

Defense is a mechanism that is used to fend off any positive type of solution that might threaten the hopeless bubble they have entrenched themselves in. They want to be miserable and they want you to jump on that train with them (or in front of the train..., but not really). It is extremely difficult to have a relationship with this personality type (unless of course you indulge in self-pity, then you can have a competition about who's life is worse. What fun!). The constant negativity is quite draining, and having to be on alert as to when you might be sucked into the vortex of why me's?. If you do allow yourself to get sucked in, chances are you will be made responsible for the outcome of that particular event because you are not encouraging enough, sympathetic enough, giving good enough advice, etc... They also get upset when you refuse to get sucked in, because then you are not being supportive enough, so it's really a lose lose situation for both of you.

Another wonderful trait that goes with this as well is guilt slinging and manipulation. Whatever it takes to get your sympathy is a self fulfilling ritual for them. Putting effort into drawing people into their sickness is easier for them than putting that energy into taking responsibility for their own lives. It keeps them from pain that they might have to face if they took responsibility. Self-Pity does not draw people closer to you, it pushes people away. Self-Pity is a choice. You can never win with a self-pitier because they will have a 'yeah but...' for every solution you come up with. I was once told that, 'Yeah but...', is the mating call for assholes.
Another saying that comes to mind; 'If you sit on the pity pot too long, you'll get a ring around your ass!'
Self-Pity is one of the most unattractive personality traits that anyone can have. Self-Pity is very needy. To have someone feel sorry for you would mean that they think you can't make it. That's pathetic! I wouldn't want anyone to feel that way or think that of me. We are not victims. Stop giving your power away to everyone else! Do you really want to portray yourself as a helpless victim giving everyone else all that power over you? You get no respect that way. You have to respect yourself and be there for yourself before anyone else will. And I'm not talking about genuine sadness or grieving. Those emotions come from a different place. They come from our hearts and usually from a deep sense of loss. Self-Pity is completely different. Self-Pity comes from our minds, because we're thinking too much and not doing enough positive things for ourselves. The flip side of taking responsibility for yourself is quite empowering. It's empowering to know that you are in control of your own life. No one else gets to make you feel any way that you don't want to. Your life IS your creation whether you like it or not, own it or not, your life is your creation!

Signs of Self-Pity 

• You complain regularly about how miserable or bad your life is.
• You continually blame the past for your present.
• You are never the problem, everyone else is.
• You act as if the world, these people or situations owe you something.
• You constantly compare yourself to others.
• You have an excuse for not taking action to make your life better. Your excuse is usually because of someone or something else.
• You only see negativity.
• You feel lonely and like everyone is against you or never listens to you. You are never acknowledged.
• You're afraid of everything.
• You find yourself thinking or saying no one loves you or cares about you even though you have a lot of people in your life and talk to friends and family regularly.

I could go on and on, but deep down you know who you are. Self-Honesty is the most powerful weapon you have against this pathetic, life swallowing, intangible entity. Self-Pity keeps us separated from people, places, things you enjoy, your dreams and your power. It's all in your head. Get outta there!
Self-Pitying people are amongst the most powerless people I've ever met. And the great thing is you don't have to stay there. From this moment forward, take care of yourself, it's your absolute birth right to happy. When your sad or having a hard time, feel your feelings, feel sorry for yourself for an allotted amount of time and that's it! Move up and on! Don't stay stuck.

A Way Out

• Physical exercise (of course, consult a physician first)
• Become aware of when the self-pity happens. Learn to know when it's genuine sadness or when you are avoiding responsibility and trying to gain sympathy. (Self-Honesty). The moment you find yourself doing this, STOP! Don't give your power away like that! Come up with a positive affirmation such as, I AM capable of..., I can...
• Gratitude.Wake up with a sentence that begins with, I AM grateful for...then get up and make a gratitude list first thing. It doesn't matter if you don't want to, DO IT! Gratitude is very empowering as I've said before.
• Self-Honesty. Your most powerful and useful tool against the self-pity villain.
• Take positive action. Accomplish something. Set goals for yourself. Be productive daily. Keep learning new things. Face your fears. Nothing happens until you take action.
  
• STOP Blaming everyone else for your life! Make it great and own it! Remember, making mistakes is the way we learn.
• No more demands. Stop acting as if the world owes you something, because the truth is, you owe the world something. 
  
• Perception. Begin to understand that it is your perception that is distorted, not the world.
• Understand the Power of Choice. You always have one. You may not always like your chioces, but you do always have them. They get better, the more you practice positive action.
• Think Positive. If you are thinking negatively STOP! No matter what, negativity is never the right thought. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Only loving thoughts are allowed! Do something positive and esteemable for yourself when this happens. Turn it into a positive.
• Stop calling friends and family and complaining and whining about your life! Get some new material! 
• Practice talking positive. Talk about the good things in your life and things that make you happy. 

Yes, this may be awkward and uncomfortable at first. GOOOD! That means your practicing new behavior. You should be uncomfortable. Even new beautiful sweaters have to be broken in. The more you practice, the quicker you will become comfortable and the quicker your life will change. The more honest you are with yourself and the more effort you put in, the faster you'll see result. You will get out what you put into this. You are the one that you will ultimately hurt or help with this. People can tend to get wierd when we decide to change our behaviors, so beware and continue. Your life may be cleaned up of some old stagnate things, but it is only making room for new stuff.Good stuff.
That self-pity and negativity may get stronger at first and try to overcome the good your doing. This is normal. When we start trying to get better, the self-pity villain gets a little pissed off, but it's only temporary. It may take some time to feel continual relief. It didn't get this way over night so it won't change over night. Just keep on keepin' on. Don't get discouraged.

Self-Pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects that we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off all effective communication with our fellows because of its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford.

A guy named "Bill"

Self-Pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink.

Elizabeth Elliot

Did they put something in the water?

It says; Put sequins in the H2O We recruit Turn them queer

This is a picture that my daughter took while we were in Asheville, North Carolina. She takes great pictures. Here are a few more...

 This was a burrito she had for lunch. The waitress was great!

Little puppy face wanted to be a mannequin too.

One of her favorites...

Just a touch of color in Chimney Rock

As she was chasing the peacocks around on the beach in Cozumel, she encountered an iguana

And here's one of the peacocks. He was looking for mama and the babies.

Ohhh, there they are...

Thank you for your wonderful photography skills my most beautiful daughter.