Validation

Validation is probably the single most important thing you can do for someone’s self-esteem. (Even computers need validation now days).

There is something so powerful about someone paying attention to you and what you’re doing.

It takes just ONE person to bring out the best side of you. One person to say, “You’re doing a great job”, or “You do that really well”,” You have a beautiful smile”, “You’re great with people”, and the receiver of that validation will shine. They will do their best at whatever it is they are doing. It builds confidence.

Yes, I believe it is important to validate ourselves, but you know we ALL have that daunting little man that sits on a fragment of your brain with his legs crossed, swinging his foot and tapping his fingers on the amygdala, telling you what a loser you are and that you’re not good enough or that there’s no way you’ll accomplish what your trying to accomplish so you might as well just go to bed. At those times we need an outside voice to reassure us with sincerity that we are great at what we do and what we do matters to someone, especially you.

When someone is genuinely happy to see you, you’re happy to be seen.
When a person is praised they continue to do things that are praisable.
It doesn’t matter what it is your doing as long as you do your best.

I heard Suze Orman say, “If you make average great, your dreams will become a reality”. I was choked up for a moment after that filtered through my ears and my brain swirled the phrase around.

It is vital to humans to have support and encouragement from friends, family, even strangers. Imagine if we all chose one stranger to support and encourage without conditions…

Passing Judgment

Judgment:
1. the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion
2. the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind

As humans we need to judge to a degree. It helps us to know if we are in a dangerous situation or around people that may affect our mental state or well being. It can be used to better our selves and those around us. It can be used to save our lives. It has many useful purposes. But when do we take it too far?
We all have a past and we have all done things that others may not approve of, but just because they don't approve doesn't mean it wasn't right for you at the time.
For instance, we may pass judgment on someone who uses drugs. But we have no idea what brought them there and what it's like to be them.
People perceive situations as their instincts tell them to and they internalize it.
Let's say we have siblings of the same gender and close in age. They grew up in an abusive environment. A parent is screaming and yelling at them about what horrible children they are. One can perceive and internalize this and agree with the parent believing they are useless and worthless and they grow up to be a drug addict. The other can perceive and internalize this and completely disagree with this parent and believe that the parent is the one who is useless and worthless because of this behavior and they grow up to be a human rights attorney for abused and neglected children.
Does the drug addict deserve to be condemned and the attorney praised? Absolutely not!
Some people need permission to be okay. Some people need to actually learn how to perceive things in a healthy, non-destructive way.

Judgment comes from a place of fear, fear of the unknown, sometimes healthy, sometimes not. It's good to remember that no one is better than or less than you, they have just come from a different place and they are surviving the best they know how. Judgment is used to separate, this is what keeps us from compassion.

When children are small and they are asked what they want to be when they grow up, the answer is not, a drug addict, or a prostitute, or a lifer at San Quentin. When people become these types of character, it didn't happen over night. There were red flags as they were growing up and if we could use our judgment in a productive, helpful way, many of us would be better off. But instead, some turn their heads, make a judgment and spread gossip about the situation. If you are looking down on someone, be sure it's because your reaching your hand down to help them up.