I'm still here

Please forgive my neglect. I'll explain tomorrow, if I feel like it, but I probably won't want to rehash. I'm pretty big on moving on and letting go, but I'll have something for you tomorrow.
Thanks for understanding.

Have a great last day of '09 and an even better first day of '10.

Live Happy;}

When we are losing our minds...

When we are losing our minds what can we do?


This is all based on my own experience living my life and learning. I am no doctor, I have no PhD., I’m not a counselor or anything close. These are my own personal truths.

There are two basic emotions; Fear and Love. Every other emotion is a derivative of these two. When I am in a state of mind where I am overreacting to something I have to stop and ask myself, What am I afraid of? When I am feeling the need to control everything around me, this a sign that I myself, am out of control. Anxiety, panic, anger, it’s all derived from fear and it all starts with my thoughts.

When we think something, we create emotion in ourselves, which then leads to action, which is in accordance to our thoughts and emotions. This is how we create our own reality.

When we are thinking about something that someone else did, we are then creating an emotion to that thought. Then we want to blame the other person for what is happening, whether it be positive or negative. When in reality we need to change our thoughts; our perception of things.

Nothing anyone does is about us. Nothing you do is about anyone else. Yes, it all starts with the way we were programmed as kids. When I am having a bad reaction to my husband not calling when he said he would, it is related to a past experience. Whether it be a prior bad relationship or some sort of abandonment in my childhood. Then I pour all of this stuff onto my dear husband. My mind goes to bad places. Many different scenarios cross my mind before the uh-oh, Is he okay?, question pops into my mind. Either way, I’m pissed, which is fear. It doesn’t matter what he is doing, what matters is how I’m reacting to it. Is my fearful reaction going to make things better? Absolutely not! In fact it could create my fears to come true. Because now, when he comes home, I’m angry and yelling. Now, who wants to come home to that? What good, healthy, trustworthy man would want to deal with a lunatic?

I have to realize that I can control anyone but myself. I can let him know how I feel about him not calling, but then it’s up to him after that. If I say it again, now I’m being controlling, because he heard me the first time. I have to allow him to make his own choice after I am honest with him. Then I will make a choice as a result of his choice, what ever that may be.

When I’m in a situation where my thoughts get crazy, I stop. What am I afraid of? And then I have to remember that he is none of those people. And really, by reacting badly, we give all of our power over to the one we are mad at and they are in control of us. Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anyone controlling me.

It’s the same with my children. My son has been my greatest teacher on this subject. He would do something, I react out of fear, fear that he’s making the wrong choices and going in a bad direction. This started when he was little. As a result, I pushed him further and further away from me. Instead of being understanding and allowing him to make his own mistakes, I wanted to control everything. Well, I controlled him right out the door. He went to live with his dad. Now, my daughter and I have a different relationship. I’m a pretty quick study, so I took responsibility for my part with my son and did not repeat them with my daughter. Although I am sure I am making different mistakes with her. It’s how we learn. We have to trust people enough, especially those that we have allowed so closely into our lives, to make their own choices that are best for them. Not what is easiest for us. What they do is absolutely none of our business. What I do is what my business is. All I can do is love these people. And love is not yelling, or controlling, manipulating or untrusting. Love is allowing people to be exactly who they are; accepting them as is. But I have found that that is hard to do when I haven’t accepted myself. When I am happy with myself and feel good, I find that my reactions are much better and I am more understanding. As soon as I am feeling an emotion that makes me feel bad, I know that means I am out of sync. It’s not them, it’s me.

I have had to train myself to think differently. When a thought comes in that I know is going to create chaos and makes me feel bad, it’s not a right thought. I have to find the positive thought. I’m not talking about burying what comes up. I’m talking about facing it and dealing with the problem and knowing that it all starts and ends with ourselves.

I remember when I was a teenager, my mom would always say to me, “Why are you doing this to me?” I would repeatedly tell her, “I’m not doing anything to you!” Nothing I did was about her. She thought I was doing this just to make her life miserable. That wasn’t the case. I was doing things in response to my perception of things. By my mother constantly making everything about her, I was ignored. My thoughts, my feelings, and the real reason to why I was doing the things I was doing was not acknowledged. Now, as I grew up, I realized that she had her own set of issues, but by her not being honest with herself and taking responsibility for her own shit, she put it on me.

I remembered this when I had children and I always knew they weren’t doing anything TO ME. I could have made it about me if I wanted to but that would have solved nothing. What they do is about them, their perception of things. It is important that we ask them why they are doing what they are doing. We need to keep it on them and not make it about us. We can sit and listen to what they are saying and then try to help. We, as parents, are there to teach them to see things through the eyes of love. If we don’t see things that way, then we can’t teach them that. We can only teach them what we know. But we have to do what we know, because they follow by example, not what we say. This is why it’s so important to learn how to do that. So we have to think of them and ask what is going on with them. Can we help in any way?

When I am at odds with everyone and everyone is irritating me, again, I know, it’s me.

When we have the ability to come from a place of love, it has nothing to do with anyone else. It is because we love ourselves in that moment. When we come from a place of fear, it has nothing to do with anyone else. This is because we are not loving ourselves in this moment. The same is true for every individual. No one can make us happy or mad. This only happens when we allow them to. I know for myself I don’t want anyone having that type of control over me. I create my own happiness and my anger. Not all the time, but I practice and that’s what counts.

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.

You know you're getting old when...

You know you're getting older when you go to Walgreen's on a Saturday night in your pajamas and the list of items you need for the evening are milk, (for the heartburn) and ketchup and cheese for your tots.

Life is good ;)

Live Happy

Government Bills

When I worked as an EMT for an ambulance company here in Illinois, our hours were cut and in prder to keep health insurance we had to make 35 hours every five weeks. For some of us that wasn't possible because of the cuts. Why were our hours cut you ask? Because as an ambulance provider we take care of everyone, and transport whomever needs to be transported. (Which is everyone). We rely much on the government to pay the bills that they are responsible for as far as health care for the elderly or disabled go. They provide medical insurance for the elderly and those who can not afford traditional health insurance. Well, it turned out that they owed the ambulance company that I worked for over two million dollars and had not paid ion over a year. As a result, the ambulance company eats that until they are paid. They could not afford to keep employees full time, so they cut our hours.
Now, I just heard that a nursing home facility is going to be closing because the government owes them four and half million dollars. They are not paying them either.
This is not an example of the government taking care of its citizens. But yet they gave the banks billions of dollars in bailout money. I don't understand this logic. Can someone please explain it to me.

When life gives you lemons...

So, I'm in the kitchen making myself a sammich and I hear this loud thud followed by some dragging.
I proceeded to put the salami on the bread not thinking much of it. I was starving and had just finished an agonizing morning of revisions so that I could submit my short story to Writers Digest.
As I was smashing my bread together, the little man in my head said, "You better go check it out to make sure no one is hurt." The last time I heard that noise was last winter. A car was slammed into a tree in my front yard. But this memory hadn't come at this point. I just listened to the little man and walked to my living room and looked out the front window.
Initially, I had thought that my garbage cans had maybe blown over, so that's where I looked first. Everything was kosher over there. My eyes scanned the front yard, basket ball hoop was still standing, no branches had fallen from the trees in my yard and there was no car planted in my mailbox.
Then I looked a little further past my driveway where I park my cars...

That is the neighbors tree. Those are my cars. Unfortunately our home owners insurance doesn't cover it and we only carry liability insurance on the cars.
I called my husband and said, "honey, I have some bad news."
There was a moment of silence before he said, "Uh-oh."
I said, "Well, it's not that bad, but the neighbors tree fell on the cars."
"Both of them?" he asked.
"Yeah, both of them. But it doesn't look too bad. I'm pretty sure they're still driveable."
"Awright, I'll be home in a little bit," he tells me.

After we got the tree cleaned up and our cars out of there, we saw that the damage wasn't too bad. But we will have to lower the price on the car that's for sale.
I'm just grateful that it wasn't my bike and no one got hurt.

So now, instead of the saying, 'When life gives you lemons make lemonade,'
my new saying is, 'If a tree falls on your car, make fire wood.'
We needed some anyway, we were running a little low. And it's good material for the blog.
Shit like that's always good material for writers.

Live happy;)

Riding The Open Road

Hello Sunshine

Another adventure on the road for me and my husband Dave on our Harley’s. It was Bike Week once again, where the sun is shining, the bikes are plentiful and the smell of exhaust and oil is in the air. Motorcyclists from around the globe come to Daytona Bike week. Mostly to show off their custom paint jobs, parts and sounds and of course to get as wasted as humanly possible. So wasted that some three hundred pound biker fell off his bike while cranking the throttle waiting to make a left turn at a red light. It’s just one big party in the streets of Daytona.

Now, because we live in the perpetual cold of Chicago, we have to trailer the bikes (hmmph) from our house and drop it in South Carolina so that we can proceed on two wheels. I am not a fan of having to trailer motorcycles, but when you live in the land of snow, there is no alternative.

Dave had to work the day we were planning on leaving, so we left about six in the evening on Thursday. After fighting traffic through Chicago for about three hours, we were free of the road construction and never ending traffic. I was just glad to be out of there and heading South. Living at the Northern tip of Illinois, it takes approximately seven hours to get out of the godforsaken state. Cutting through Kentucky and stopping around Nashville Tennessee, we made the decision to crawl in the back of the pickup for some shut eye. Except I didn’t get any. It was pretty chili and despite the fact that we were snuggled together I was still cold and there was no room to move. Such is life on the road. I wouldn't have it any other way.
The sun started to rise and as I lay there with my cold, stiff body, I hear this raspy old voice having a conversation with someone named Roxy, "Hurry up and poop! Do you see all this poop on the ground that all these ignorant people didn't pick up?" Dave looked at me, “Do you think Roxy is a dog? “ I was surprised at the question, “Well, I hope it’s not her husband," I answered.
We waited to emerge from the back of the truck so I wouldn’t give the woman a heart attack with my nefarious morning face. Eventually we were able to get back on the road, stop and get a gallon of coffee and made it to our South Carolina destination by five p.m. When Dave and I go on road trips, it takes us twice as long as most people because we take every back road possible and take some time at the gas stations. We meet alot of interesting characters on these back road gas stations and we find out what goes on in the area, just in case we ever want to come back. We drink coffee and Red Bull at every stop, which means we'll have to stop again in another hundred miles to pee.

South Carolina

The next morning on Saturday, we awoke to rain that turned to snow, so we had to move on with the bikes on the trailer. We talked about waiting until the weather passed or even possibly riding through it. We watched the weather and saw that it was also happening in Georgia so there was no "riding past it". I wanted to get to the sunshine a.s.a.p so we hopped back in the truck and drove in the direction of our hotel in Daytona; The El Caribe. South Carolina ended up with six inches of snow, by the way, which is unusual weather for them. The storm went through Georgia and parts of Alabama that day.

Daytona Beach

It was forty-seven degrees when we arrived in Daytona. Also unusual weather for them, any time of year. We checked into our whimsical hotel, with its lime green stucco walls and neon pink hot air balloon advertising it’s where-about’s at the top corner of the building. The boy at the front desk was very friendly and surfer like. He had on a long sleeve shirt and knee length shorts with flip flops. What more do I need to say? This is the life.

Parking space is usually a challenge when this many people come to an event, so after parking the trailer in one place, the truck in another and the bikes in yet another place we were able to get to our room, take a deep breath and just relax. The forecast for the rest of the week was hopeful.

Our room was overlooking the Atlantic Ocean and there was a rather large balcony for us to hang out and breath in the ocean air and what Dave and I both liked best was the kitchenette WITH a coffee maker. Sweet!

We decided to go out for dinner, instead of using the kitchenette, and met some characters at the pizza joint we ate at. Australians and Canadians that spoke French, but somehow we were able to communicate just fine.

The next day, Sunday, was about sixty degrees. A little better than the day before, and definitely better than Chicago. After a nice hot shower and an exorbitant amount of coffee, we headed over to Main Street where it was action packed and full of entertainment. I have to admit, I was really nervous about riding my bike in the midst of all this, so I did hop on the back of Dave’s bike just to check it out so that I knew what to expect when riding mine. The streets were crawling with people and even more bikes somehow. Everything was open and so alive from all of the energy and color. The intensity of artwork and vibrancy of hue and shades on the motorcycles were exquisite. There were scenes and super heroes, pirate girls and skulls with flames airbrushed on the tanks and fenders. Some even had custom embroidered seats. It was one big, weeklong soiree. We stayed for a day and checked out the montage of people, bars, shops and entertainment. Before we left we did buy ourselves some new riding boots.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bound for Key West, we left the next morning and it was about sixty degrees with hopes for it getting warmer throughout the day. As we were packing up the bikes we met some guys in the parking lot. Three brothers to be exact. I guess there was a fourth but he couldn’t make the trip. They introduced themselves to us extending their hands, “Hi, I’m Turtle and this is my brother Pan Head and my other brother, Half-Wit. “ Dave and I looked at each other and smiled without having to say a word, just knowing, this is why we do it. This is what it’s all about. We introduced ourselves and talked about Shovel Heads and all sorts of bikes for about a half hour, we admired each other motors and chrome. When it was time to go, we agreed that we’d see each other later. Dave was so excited that we just made some new friends, “And the best part is their names”, he said to me with a big smile across his face.

This is how much of a sissy I am when it's below 65 degrees. Yes! Those are chaps! Shut up!

Stopping at the gas station, Dave decided to check my oil and saw that it was disturbingly low. We would have to ride back to Main Street for motorcycle oil and I had no desire to ride back into town where it was so packed you could barely move, so we left Dave’s bike at the gas station, both got onto my bike and rode into town. About an hour later, we were on Interstate 95 heading south. Whew. Going seventy miles an hour, trying to cut through the hellacious winds of forty miles an hour, we made it to the next gas station about a hundred miles south from where we started. This is how often we stop for gas because I have a three and a half gallon tank, so between a hundred and one hundred and thirty miles we stop. I need to get off the bike about then anyway to stretch and consume some water or coffee and I need a rest from my brain running away with itself, because it doesn't always run to good places.Although i have to say this is when I get my best ideas for writing. Unfortunately, I have no way of recording the ideas while doing seventy-five on two wheels.

We made it to Route 1 in South Miami around 7 p.m. I was relieved because I figured we would be to our destination in Key West in a couple of hours. It was dusk and the sunset was the brightest pink I had ever seen. The air was warm, which I hadn’t felt in seven months and palm trees were everywhere. Dave pulls up at the side of me, pointing to his motor. I hear a loud knocking. I felt the color drain from my face, and it was pretty red from the day of riding, regardless of all the sunscreen I gooped on all day. We pulled off at a multifarious gas station. There seemed to be some sort of dope spot around the corner, people getting high in the parking lot, business men in their jaguars pulling up to pump gas, hippies walking around the parking lot trying to get rid of some puppies they had, just to name a few of the environmental delights. The gas station was a typical looking gas station on the inside. Drinks, snacks, hot dogs, coffee, gum, candy, restrooms, etc…When I looked to the back of the store there was a beautiful cherry wood wine bar, with older, sophisticated gentlemen, sitting with their Armani suits and cigars. This was a business in the back of the gas station, a cigar shop/winery. Everything seemed to work together quite well, even the guy in his work van smoking crack that Dave borrowed some tools from. All together, it took us nearly two and a half hours to get his bike running in tip top shape again. The problem was a compensating nut came loose in the primary drive on the crank sprocket. I don’t ever worry when we have a breakdown because he can fix anything. He’s kind of like a MacGyver of mechanics. Everything is always okay when I’m with him.


Back on the road again, riding on the one and only road in and out of the Keys, with signs alerting us to watch for crossing alligators. This was somewhat disturbing to me because I have no idea what an alligator is capable of. Obviously quite capable if they have to have warning signs about alligators crossing a highway that has walls on both sides. I didn’t realize they could climb walls or that they would have a desire to leave the water to step into traffic. I was on a motorcycle! Were they going to run really fast and tear me from my bike and run off with me, climbing the wall back to the depths of the swamp?

Key West

Three hours later we entered the Key of Key West and about ten miles from our much desired bed, my headlight went out. There is nowhere to buy a headlight for a 1981 super glide at one in the morning, in the Keys, so we stopped at a Circle K and bought a mini flashlight, wrapped a bungee cord around the headlight and strapped it on so that I could be seen for the rest of the way. See what I mean? I don’t ever have to worry.

See my mini mag faux headlight there?

Off we went, once again with my mini mag guiding the way. We finally arrived at The Lighthouse, our Bed and Breakfast. It was a beautifully gated house. There were palm, rubber and banyan trees surrounding the B&B. The banyan tree is an absolutely magnificent tree. The word tree doesn’t even come close to the scope of what it is. It’s more like the mother of trees. The source of the universe. Simply amazing. They look as if the branches drip of themselves to form an enormous trunk that grows up and out.

 

Our room had French doors looking out onto a back deck that encompassed the entire property bearing couches, trees, tables, chairs and of course a pool. It made me over look the fact that our bed was shaped like a taco and there was a consistent flow of hot water for all of about three minutes in the shower. We stayed across from the Hemingway House which had tourists swarming, taking pictures all day long. We were staying one block from Duvall Street, which is a main street where all the parties happen, so naturally that’s where we went. There were restaurants, deli's, coffee houses and an assortment of boutiques and bars.

Roosters ran free in the streets, like squirrels do in the Midwest. They chased each other around the neighborhood, up into the trees and clucked at each other playing and flinging leaves everywhere. It was quite entertaining for people who aren’t accustomed to this sort of thing. All of the Victorian style homes had wrap around porches on both the lower and upper levels. Most of the entry ways were French doors and the shutters on the windows were actually functional. (Hurricanes). It looked like the old west meets the Bahamas.

Then there were the much smaller, dilapidated homes, still having porches, most of which had rocking chairs with older gentlemen rocking in them and their dogs lying next to them. The entire Key consists of 4 miles by 4 miles but it’s amazing when your one person in the middle of it all. It felt as if I was secluded from the rest of the world and nothing but good times can happen. Everything was wild and free here.

 

 

1973 Shovel. This was a great year.

The street performers in Mallory Square were quite entertaining, their performances consisting of humor and danger. Some would jump through a small hoop of fire and some would juggle knives while walking on a rope that was held by audience members with other audience members lying underneath the rope. They all made it very clear that this was their job and how they make money, so to give at least five dollars at the end of the performance. Unique crafts to admire and foods to graze, cats and dogs with neck bandanas walking loose, the smell of elephant ears and funnel cake all while being surrounded by miles and miles of beautiful blue, green ocean. Background music to life playing, the after smell of torch fuel from the fire eaters and hoop jumpers, vacationers and locals milling around the Square, where the sun sets and the fun begins. El Meson De Pepe, a Cuban restaurant on Wall Street in Mallory Square was where we ate dinner that evening, which was also the place we stopped earlier for a cup of coffee and had a conversation with the bartender about how he arrived there eight years earlier, hasn’t driven a car since and has no desire to go back to “the real world”. To me this is the real world. After all reality is what you make it, right?

The next day we went to Fort Zachary Taylor State Park, where we fished off the jetty and baked in the sun; the beautiful, wonderful sun. The Fort was built in 1845 and used in both the Civil War and during the Spanish American War. We took a ride on the Gulf side of the island, which is where it seemed to be the more resort-y side, so we rode back to the Atlantic side. I was finding that I didn’t want to be a tourist there; I wanted to be a local. That felt more fitting somehow. I was finding that I never wanted to leave, and we asked our B&B if we could book another night but they had no vacancies, so when it was time, we got back on the bikes and headed the only way we could; North. It is the most amazing ride I have ever been on. The sun shining (as always in this state), a two lane road and the ocean on both sides. Every now and then we ride through another Key that is actually a town. There are only five actual towns with a population in the Keys; Key Largo, Islamorada, Marathon, Big Pine and Key West. All exquisite. And simply peaceful.

Key Largo

Our next stop was Key Largo. On a whim before we left Key West we looked to see if there was anything available in Key Largo. We stayed at a gorgeous place called Dove Creek Lodge at mile marker 94.5. This is how people know where to go is by mile markers. Everything is addressed with a mile marker. The Lodge was quite peaceful and serene. The staff was accommodating and friendly. They treated the people (us) that were staying as if we were regulars. The common area on our floor had a large balcony, an enormous leather cushioned couch with a flat screen and DVD’s we could watch either there or in our room. We were overlooking the ocean once again. A beautiful pool surrounded by sand and background music was off to the side. Background music to life is essential and if I were to become President someday, this would be one of the many things that would be incorporated into our world. (Vote for Gina). A hammock hung on a couple of trees by the gazebo and the rest of the hammocks lined the ocean side. The room was beautifully painted and the bed was simply luxurious. I slept better that night than I have in a long time. The bathroom was huge and had plenty of room to comfortably dress and primp. Now, I know most people don’t spend too much time in the room, but it’s nice to come back to something clean, functional, spacious and comfortable after a long, hard day of lying around in the sun, fishing, swimming and eating. Traveling is a lot of work for us because we don’t stay in one place too long and riding the motorcycles takes twice as long to get somewhere, longer to bungee all of our stuff to the racks, as opposed to throwing everything in the trunk of a car and much more tiring than driving a car, but it’s also twice the adventure. I’m sure there may come a day when I vacation to vacation. But for now, I travel, which is not really vacationing. The definition of travel suits me better.

We spent the day sunning ourselves and swimming in the eighty-five degree pool. Making friends with the vacationers whom I think were of Italian Jewish descent from New Jersey. Next door to the Lodge there was a restaurant called Snapper, we took a gander at the menu and ended up having dinner at The Waffle House, which is one of my favorite traveling food establishments to eat at. A nice greasy, diner. I love breakfast, especially for dinner. At The Waffle House everything is cooked in front of you and it is somehow served with such speed and efficiency that I barely have time to get to the point of starvation. And it’s cheap. After our delectable dinner we headed back to the room for a night of television, conversation and rest. Morning came once again and it was on the bikes back to Daytona. Finally, seventy-five degrees. A beautiful, warm and sunshiny ride up Route 1 with nothing but ocean on both sides. And possibly running, climbing alligators. But really, the salt water air, sun shining on my face, waves crashing on either side and wide open road. There’s nothing like it. Nothing.

Back to Daytona

We arrived one last time in Daytona to stay at The Sands Motel. One of the less desirable places we stayed at. Pretty dirty. The floor was sticky and the bathroom was black with mold and mildew. It was all pretty gross and way too expensive, but it had a kitchenette and there was a Winn Dixie across the street. Macaroni and Cheese and Jambalaya for dinner. It was delicious. The next day we met with Dave’s old friend Jeff and went to dinner at the --------- . Hanging above the door, there was a sign that read; NO RAGGAMUFFINS ALLOWED. I had to ask if I could go in because I wasn’t so sure I qualified. It turns out I wasn’t a ragamuffin. Something my mother called me as a child, amongst other things. We sat at the window; you guessed it, overlooking the ocean, watching a guy play this cool Frisbee game with himself. A stunt I had never seen before. I guess this is a normal activity in Florida. You have to dip the backside of the Frisbee in salt water and the wind needs to be fairly strong. The guy wore himself out.

Watching people on the beach from a second story was quite entertaining, but the drunken spring breakers at the table next to us faired to be what we chose to watch most of the time. Oh, to be young, loud and obnoxious again. Our server was great and the food was once again spectacular. I have to say we ate and walked a lot on this trip. But those are a couple of my favorite things. The next morning it was time to head back and we were not looking forward to it so we stayed until almost two o’clock walking the beach and went to one final restaurant. We sat outside and watched all the traffic of the motorcycles that had stayed an extra day like us. We made more friends with some people that stayed behind. And we were able to say goodbye to our new friends, Pan Head, Turtle and Half-Wit. Riding a motorcycle can be a lifestyle for some and the community created is a brotherhood. It’s wonderful to be a part of and ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, give the wave when passing another motorcycle.

 

This is where we belong

Written by: Gina Lesavage

Great Tool for Writers

I have been reading this book; The Art of War for Writers by James Scott Bell. It has been such a great tool to refer to. It is simple and inspiring. I will read a chapter and do what is suggested. My goal is to finish writing my book by the time I am done reading this one. Wish me luck!

Live Happy.

WOO HOO!

I sold my first article today!

Black Friday

Save Yourself. Stay Home.

Happy Thanksgiving

First Amendment rights apply differently in schools

First Amendment rights do not apply in schools for either the student or the faculty. I have found no specifics in writing as to exactly what this means. The closest I have come to finding some defined guidelines can be found on the National School Boards Association website. This leaves it open for every first amendment right to be violated to the maximum.
An Indianapolis school has banned only certain websites pertaining to religion which has created controversy with the students and parents.
The Stevenson High School in Lincolnshire shut down their newspaper displaying a blank front page because students were writing about teen pregnancy, shoplifting and students who drink and do drugs. The Chicago Tribune had something to say about the staffs decision to shut down the paper.
For a school to insert their personal opinions or beliefs on any given subject is unjust for the student. Banning specific websites because it doesn't comply with certain Christian ideologies is prejudice. In banning specific websites or free speech sends a message that is not in accordance with the First Amendment. By banning all religious websites is to say that school is no place for religious opinions or beliefs. (Look it up at home). By allowing all religious websites this says that children are free to learn and compare. School is about teaching children how to make informed decisions. When they are not fully informed, they aren't making an informed decision, but are being led to believe that they are. If we only show them certain perspectives how will they learn to be tolerant and open to others? When we only show them what we think is 'the right way' it teaches them prejudice.
Let's look at the definition of prejudice shall we: an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand, or without knowledge, thought, or reason.
This sounds a lot like what is happening. The kids don't get all the information, therefore, without knowledge.
The United States of America is the land of freedom, is it not? People come here because they are allowed to be who they are here; supposedly.
I am curious to know what you think.

Habeas Corpus

Habeas Corpus (Latin for you should have the body) is the name of a legal action or writ by means of which detainees can seek relief from unlawful imprisonment. With that being said, I would like to remind you that this is not a right against unlawful arrest, but a right to be released from imprisonment after an arrest. Resisting arrest is a crime. You can only uphold Habeas Corpus after you have been detained.

After seeing a movie last night I had a revelation about our government, so I pounded away at the computer this morning doing research on many of the ways that we Americans have had to fight against our own government for our freedoms and fundamental rights.

Some of these wars were fought to gain our freedom and it was clear that this is what these wars were about. There was no confusion to some wars as to what we were really fighting for. Once the wars start to become unclear as to why they are being fought, it is no longer about the Americans freedom, but is then over a need to control and have power. Since we have "earned" our right to be free, our battles have been against our own government to keep our freedom and fundamental rights as American citizens. I am doing research so I can present the facts on a later post.

The American Revolutionary War allowed the United States to gain it's independence.
The Civil War between the North and South, abolished slavery and united this country as one.
World War I A war that had nothing to do with us originally and then Britian, France and Russia asked us to get involved and most Americans were against this but the government went ahead anyway.
World War II Originally Germany invaded Poland and somehow spilled onto America.

When we go into a country declaring war on them because they won't give us something that they have, is that morally right?

Let's see an example on smaller scale:
Your little sister wants something you have. You won't let her have it. And you really have no valid reason for it, except you just don't want to. Does that give the little sister the right to then go into your room and take it anyway? The little sister has justified it because she really needed it, but does that make it right?

I just don't understand how killing people will bring about positive change. (oxymoron)
It seems to me that we have many issues to resolve as a country within itself. Is it condusive to America to focus so much on what everyone else is doing?

Two movies that I recommend are American History X and Pirate Radio. When watching these movies, look at the bigger picture. Tell me what you think.

Sarah Palin

What is up with society? I am utterly baffled at the fact that people choose not to see that her choices are based on her families well-being. Finally, someone who is living what they believe and she is perpetually crucified for her choices. Talk show after talk show reminding us over and over again about her comments on abortion. She had the baby! I think that's pretty commendable for a woman with such a full life already, to make a lifelong commitment like that. Not that people who choose to have abortions are wrong either. People make choices based on their circumstances and how dare anyone judge anyone for a decision they have made. No one knows what each individual has come through that compels them to make the choices they make. What is right for one person may not be right for another and that makes no one right or wrong, it just makes it right for the individual.
The media twists and exaggerates peoples lives and we all know this. All they wanted to do from the beginning was dive into her family, her children, her marriage and find something wrong with it all. How sick and twisted is that? How can anyone form an opinion based on what they see on camera?  It has been said and seen multiple times that she has a lot of support from her extended family. The way I keep seeing it is her family is number one. Isn't that the way it should be? Sure she has her flaws, but who doesn't? Look in the mirror, I'm sure you'll see plenty. Does that make you material to be thrown into the public eye and be ripped apart? And just because you choose not to be on camera doesn't mean you're flawless. Their are still lives that are affected by you and your choices but yet you dismiss them because you're not on T.V. What makes their humanness different than yours? We all have family dysfunction and plenty of personal defects. Not one better or worse than the other. What would happen if the media started digging for all the good that people have done in their lives and displaying it for all to see? I wonder. It's unfortunate that our society thrives on such negativity and utter disrespect for human beings. Yes, they have made choices that throw them into the public for everyone to know their business, but that makes them no less human. They deserve some privacy too, but for some reason the country feels entitled to know all about people they see on the screen. There is some shit that is just none of our business and then we want to judge people when they are being interviewed and get caught off guard by a question that they know if they don't answer correctly, will be talked about, judged and hung out to dry. So they fumble for words as to not disappoint the people and then it's played repeatedly so that it can be picked apart and analyze every little thing about what they said and how they said it and the expression on their face when they said it...Pa-fucking-thetic I say!

Mental Illness?

My intention here is not to offend anyone but just in case I do, please refer to my post; Overcoming Self-Pity and read the third paragraph.
I have been doing research for a book I am writing and have always been fascinated with the practice of how patients are treated for mental illness. I am currently reading Toxic Therapy by Peter Breggin, M.D. There are many conflicting messages out there and I find it quite disturbing and harmful to human beings who have emotions and baggage just like the rest of the world. From my research I am saw at one point that medicine came a long way from what it used to be and is now digressing to the inhumane treatments that were tolerable and then intolerable and are becoming tolerable again.
The pattern I am beginning to see is that the people labeled with mental illness or disease are just extremely sensitive human beings. The way they perceive and digest events that have occurred in their lives determines how they react to a situation. Many people I have known in my lifetime have simply needed guidance on how to perceive, process and react to situations. I am a firm believer in quality time and love for these types of personalities. There is nothing "wrong" with most if not all of these people initially. Many of these anti psychotic drugs cause more harm than good and this is not only from what I have experienced but it's written down by 'experts', just in ways that make it sound like a lesser of two evils. Some medications that are used for bipolar or depression have side effects of schizo affective disorder. Covering up one problem b y creating another hardly seems like a solution to me. Extensive studies that I have read show improvement in those that were shown love and time. Basic essential tools were given to people and they were guided on how and when to apply these tools. Not every human being is born with these instincts. Some need to be taught and then they become second nature after some direction and practice. Again, we come to the bottom line of many of my posts, which is giving time, actually participating in someone's life as opposed to throwing money or prescription drugs at the issue.
There is something that every human is born with and that's intuition. When something doesn't "feel" right to you, it's NOT right. Period. I don't care what kind of an 'expert' your talking to, you know what your gut is telling you. And because of the need for others to control others we end up not paying attention to what's really right for ourselves as individuals.
Just because you're an expert doesn't mean that way is right for all. And let's keep in mind that history has proven over and over again that facts change? Of course every expert claims that this is the ground breaking solution and this is 'the way'. Then years later it's proven harmful or ineffective. This has happened throughout the beginning of time. Nothing is flawless because it is all created by flawed human beings. And just because it may be a solution for one person does not mean it's a solution for everyone. The only thing I have seen remain consistent is love. Love promotes healing in every situation. this is one thing that has remained unchanged, but it doesn't make anyone any money so people want to find another long term solution that can creates butt loads of cash. But all that I see continuing to happen is problems on top of problems and solutions for a problem that will create another problem.The "quick fix" (pill) is exactly that; a quick-fix. There is something to be said for hard work, time and effort to all parties involved in this incessant loop of madness.
Here is an excerpt from the book I am reading that has a copyright date of 1991. Tell me how many of these projections that he had have come true?

What will happen to the well-being and values of Americans if the 1990's become not the Decade of the Human Spirit and the Human Community but the Decade of the Brain?

• Parents and teachers increasingly will surrender their RESPONSIBILITY for the care and education of children to mental health professionals when problems arise at home or at school.
• Millions of children will end up on "legal" drugs or in psychiatric hospitals.
• Untold numbers of children and adults will be saddled with the false conviction that they have  genetic defects and lifelong "crossed wires" and "biochemical imbalances."
• Innumerable adults with solvable personal problems will end up taking drugs, getting shock treatment, or being locked up in mental hospitals - or all three.
• Many millions of elderly people will be drugged and shocked into oblivion and hurried to a premature death, often while residing in nursing homes.
• Psychiatrists will make renewed calls for an increase in lobotomy and other forms of psychosurgery.
• Droves of homeless people will be corralled into revamped, but still dreadful, state mental hospitals. 
• Organized psychiatry increasingly will become dominated by the interests of the multi-billion-dollar pharmaceutical industry as the profession becomes wholly dependent on the drug companies for its survival.
• Several million more Americans will suffer permanent brain damage from psychiatric drugs and electroshock while the profession denies that it is happening.

In fact, all of these things are going on right now. Yet how could this happen with so little awareness on the public's part? How could professionals devote themselves to such destructive programs with so little apparent concern for the truth or the rights and well-being of their patients?
 
I could go and on about this, but I won't because I'm not an 'expert', just someone who wants to see more compassion for individuals. We are all made the way we are made for one reason or another and I think it's important to start helping people accept the way they are and to utilize every characteristic as an asset, instead of a liability.

I am interested in hearing what you think of all of this. Please comment.

Jenna Jameson on Oprah

Did anyone watch Oprah this morning? Her guest was Jenna Jameson, the number one porn star in the industry. I am curious to know how people feel about what she was saying about the industry and how she portrayed herself. What do people think of this sexual industry?

The Book

As I have mentioned before, I am writing a book and I am realizing how emotionally draining it is. I have been sitting on it for quite some time because it is a sad but triumphant story. In writing the sad parts I become emotionally drained. I am so wrapped up in the main character, that I'm sad for her and I can't believe that she has come through these things. At times I get a tightness in my chest and am ridden with anxiety. I just want the good stuff to come for already. I sat on this story for so long because I have wanted to put a humorous twist on it or something other than sad, but this is the story that's here. She is the character that lives with me right now and she won't seem to go away. So I almost feel as if I have finally given in to tell her story.

Is it normal to go through these emotions and be so enmeshed in the character? I am afraid something in my brain is going to snap and I'll be lost forever. If there is anyone out there who has experience with this, I would love to hear from you.
Thanks.

Hairspray

My guy surprised me with dinner and theater tickets last night to see the play Hairspray. I am almost speechless, which is a calendar moment in itself. We went to a small theater by our house. Everything is performed on a circular stage so that everyone can see the action up close. We can't afford Broadway plays, so we wait for our theater to buy the rights from Broadway and see it here. The musical was absolutely entertaining and hilarious. I love to laugh. Who doesn't? If you don't know what this play is about, it's set in 1962 with a chubby girl who is simply adorable, Tracy Turnblad, and all she wants to do is have unity among all human beings. She gets a chance to dance on The Corny Collins Show, similar to Soul Train in the '80's. The current Miss Baltimore Crabs has a problem with Tracy being able to be a contestant for a shot at the title, Miss Baltimore Crabs because she's plumpalicious. As Tracy does the show she becomes aware that the black people have to dance in a separate area of the dance floor because black and white can't dance together. She befriends a black guy, Seaweed, in detention and he teaches her some new moves. Now she wants everyone to dance together and be one big happy fam. Oh, and she's in love with the high school hunk Link Larkin. Yowsah! So this deals with two issues, being a chubster and being black. And happy endings with the guy of your dreams, of course. It is such a lighthearted, wonderfully funny story. Now, I'm neither pudgy, nor black, but it made me want to be both. Not at the same time, but each and of themselves it would be quite an experience. Although my butt is quite renowned for it's blackesque-ness.
Anyway, I get intensely emotional when I go to plays, the circus, ice capades or anything live because I secretly want to be them. Don't get me wrong, I love being me, but who am I really? That's so hard to define. I want to be everything I see and I almost have been. If you went to my web site and looked at my About me page, you'd see what I mean. Next on my list is acting, but not like films or anything. I would love to do plays, but the reality is, I might be a little too old to start in that arena.

NaBloPoMo

Okay, so I guess it's national blog posting month? I just found this out and I am utterly unprepared. I have been working all day and just let the blogging world pass me by today. So this is my post: It's 11pm, I've been staring at this fucking computer all day and I can hear my heartbeat thumping in my head. I sit up straight and get stiff so I hunch a little, then I have to pee, then the dog wants to go out, then my phone rings and I go back to the bright white light that is the computer screen and I sit up straight, start to get stiff and hunch a little... Vodka?

Validation

Validation is probably the single most important thing you can do for someone’s self-esteem. (Even computers need validation now days).

There is something so powerful about someone paying attention to you and what you’re doing.

It takes just ONE person to bring out the best side of you. One person to say, “You’re doing a great job”, or “You do that really well”,” You have a beautiful smile”, “You’re great with people”, and the receiver of that validation will shine. They will do their best at whatever it is they are doing. It builds confidence.

Yes, I believe it is important to validate ourselves, but you know we ALL have that daunting little man that sits on a fragment of your brain with his legs crossed, swinging his foot and tapping his fingers on the amygdala, telling you what a loser you are and that you’re not good enough or that there’s no way you’ll accomplish what your trying to accomplish so you might as well just go to bed. At those times we need an outside voice to reassure us with sincerity that we are great at what we do and what we do matters to someone, especially you.

When someone is genuinely happy to see you, you’re happy to be seen.
When a person is praised they continue to do things that are praisable.
It doesn’t matter what it is your doing as long as you do your best.

I heard Suze Orman say, “If you make average great, your dreams will become a reality”. I was choked up for a moment after that filtered through my ears and my brain swirled the phrase around.

It is vital to humans to have support and encouragement from friends, family, even strangers. Imagine if we all chose one stranger to support and encourage without conditions…

Individual Power: What's Happening in Your Community?

Imagine this...If each city took responsibility for itself what a wonderful world it would be. I was watching a report on Human Trafficking last night on MSNBC. I have been doing research. compiling information and conducting interviews on this subject matter. Come to find that people not only don't know about this modern day sexual slavery but people won't even accept that it's a reality once they are informed. I have found most individuals want to leave everything up to our government and claim powerlessness. WE ARE the government. We are the ones in charge. The government works for us but no one seems to want to take on that responsibility. It's easier to lay the problems of the world on someone else and then bitch and complain about how they aren't doing anything about it. Here's the thing, we make the rules. Each city has the ability to have their own sets of laws. If we individually take responsibility and take action in our own communities, collectively we would be a united country. No one wants sex slavery going on in their community so I can confidently say that we as individuals have the absolute power to overcome this. It is because we put it on everyone else that this country is such a mess. Take your power back and make a difference! 

The city of San Francisco has taken it on themselves to run out the traffickers. They have put in place a set of laws for massage parlors and the employees. The health department does surprise inspections consistently at these "parlors". Only to to find women that are being held against their will and made to conduct sexual acts for money. You can read more about Human Trafficking at my website under the writing samples. The mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsome talked about this issue and how he sees people deny or look the other way and put the blame on the women and child victims of this crime. He is addressing the issue and getting the community involved. He also has a CARE NOT CASH program implemented for the homeless. This is yet another person who supports getting involved and take action as opposed to taking the easy and ineffective way out by just throwing money around. I don't live in the San Francisco Bay are or even California for that matter but I love this guy. The more I learn about him, the more I like him.

I will be holding a fundraiser in the near future for The Barnaba Institute, which I will have more information at a later date. I am still in the process of all the red tape.

There are also many movies and documentaries about Human Trafficking that I have found to be quite informative if your not a big reader and I do allow my daughter to watch these films so that she is educated and knows that this type of thing happens every minute of every day. I believe this is one of those healthy fears for our children to have. I would rather educate them as opposed to a trafficker educating them first hand.

My point here is, we are the ones in control! We have to start paying attention to what is going on in our own back yard because that is where we can make the difference. We have to be a strong united country before we can start helping other countries. If you have a problem with something in your community, with your credit card rates or the price of gas, stop blaming whoever it is you want to blame and look in the mirror. It starts with you. You have control of your environment.
How do we do this? One city at a time. Yours. Get involved. Start with showing up at your park district or village hall. Wherever it is that they hold monthly meetings for your town. If each community takes care of itself, then collectively the country will be united.

Passion

Passion is our life's purpose. Living a life that we love, a life that is fulfilled, this is our purpose. It's not about survival. Working to get the bills paid and go on vacation once a year or having to decide which is more important, our kids college education or our retirement, is no way to live. We are here to enjoy everything that is on this earth. That's why it's here. Yes, we need to pay our bills, but stop and ask yourself; Are you holding your job to maintain the income that maintains all of your "stuff" that is filling a void? That void you are trying to fill is your passion. Once you start living a life that you truly love and enjoy, you will see that all that material stuff is just that; STUFF. Our kids learn from us. My kids do what I do, not what I say. They will live the way I live and by the principles I live by. I do not want them working at a job just to pay the bills, or waking up everyday having to force themselves out of bed to get to a job they despise, while dreaming in the corners of their minds about what they'd really like. I want my kids to love, love, love their lives. I do not want my children searching endlessly for things or stuff that will make them happy because they aren't DOING what makes them happy. That's how we are fulfilled, by DOING what we love. It is our birth right as human beings, every one of us, to be happy and live with passion. It is up to you and you alone to make sure that happens. Live what you love.Start by writing down all of the things you dream of doing, all the things your passionate about, all of the things you think would make you love to get out of bed everyday. You can post your list here if you'd like. What are you waiting for?
Live Happy.

The Holidays

Okay, so the holidays are coming once again and I am absolutely thrilled. I feel this way every year at this time. BUT...by the time the actual holiday rolls around, I'm fed up, done and ready for sunshine, warm weather and

my motorcycle! This year I am going to try something different. I'm doing a little research on some holiday activities. Maybe I'll do something a little holiday every day to keep the spirits up and fill you guys in. Any suggestions?

Halloween

The kids
Sometimes quite inspiring

Passing Judgment

Judgment:
1. the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion
2. the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind

As humans we need to judge to a degree. It helps us to know if we are in a dangerous situation or around people that may affect our mental state or well being. It can be used to better our selves and those around us. It can be used to save our lives. It has many useful purposes. But when do we take it too far?
We all have a past and we have all done things that others may not approve of, but just because they don't approve doesn't mean it wasn't right for you at the time.
For instance, we may pass judgment on someone who uses drugs. But we have no idea what brought them there and what it's like to be them.
People perceive situations as their instincts tell them to and they internalize it.
Let's say we have siblings of the same gender and close in age. They grew up in an abusive environment. A parent is screaming and yelling at them about what horrible children they are. One can perceive and internalize this and agree with the parent believing they are useless and worthless and they grow up to be a drug addict. The other can perceive and internalize this and completely disagree with this parent and believe that the parent is the one who is useless and worthless because of this behavior and they grow up to be a human rights attorney for abused and neglected children.
Does the drug addict deserve to be condemned and the attorney praised? Absolutely not!
Some people need permission to be okay. Some people need to actually learn how to perceive things in a healthy, non-destructive way.

Judgment comes from a place of fear, fear of the unknown, sometimes healthy, sometimes not. It's good to remember that no one is better than or less than you, they have just come from a different place and they are surviving the best they know how. Judgment is used to separate, this is what keeps us from compassion.

When children are small and they are asked what they want to be when they grow up, the answer is not, a drug addict, or a prostitute, or a lifer at San Quentin. When people become these types of character, it didn't happen over night. There were red flags as they were growing up and if we could use our judgment in a productive, helpful way, many of us would be better off. But instead, some turn their heads, make a judgment and spread gossip about the situation. If you are looking down on someone, be sure it's because your reaching your hand down to help them up.