Okay, this will be my last post for 2010.
I have to admit, I love New Year's. I don't make resolutions and I don't make lists. They overwhelm me and I rebel against them. It's just in my nature.
But I do sit down on New Year's Eve and list all of the months of the year. Then I write what I can remember happened in each month. When I am finished with this [list], I am able to see all of the things that I have accomplished and all of the situations I have come through. I remember some heart wrenching months and realize that I made it through some things, that at the time, didn't think I would get through.
I am also able to see that I am in a different place because it doesn't always feel like anything has changed.
As I was perusing blogs this morning, I stopped by Meleah's blog, and she is having a hard time coming up with New Year's resolutions. As I was commenting on how I am going to remain the same and not set myself up like that, I realized that this will be the year of self-acceptance for me.
I don't want to beat myself up anymore, I don't want to stress about stupid shit anymore, I just want to enjoy my life and allow myself the natural process of things just as I am and not be afraid. I will do the best I can on a day to day basis. Some days I will be more able than others and that's okay. This is where my New Year's Eve list helps. I can look back through the year and see that I came through everything just fine, as I do every year, and there is NO REASON at all to stress and worry the way that I do.
Worrying and stressing changes nothing. As a matter of fact it makes things worse and much harder than they need to be. Not to mention the fact that it puts everyone around me on edge. That's not very nice to do to people. So, yay for me on the revelation.
Now, I have three weeks left before I go back to school. I just went through all of my scribblings from story ideas and research that I have done throughout the last few years. I looked at what I have so far for my MS and realized I have everything I need. Mostly.
I did nothing but write for almost three years. Granted it wasn't always on the same piece, there is a plethora of stories and articles, and of course time spent getting side tracked with research, but I saw that all I have to do is organize it. (Then edit and re-write and edit and re-write...). And as I started to do that, the ideas just kept coming, and I was of course side tracked from the entire purpose of why I was going through all of this paper; to get the office set up as a bedroom because my in-laws are coming to stay for the weekend.
I don't expect to get this MS put together by the time I go back to school, but it feels good to know there is some semblance of completion around the corner. Or at least completion of a step in this long, long process of writing a book and getting it published.
I have had a pretty full year and I'm glad it's over. But I am also grateful to see what I have learned about myself and that I can take this list, put a flame to it, say thanks, and let it all go.
What have you learned about yourself this past year?
I wish you all a Happy New Year and stay safe.
~ Live Happy
