Just a thought...

Yesterday as I was riding the shovel (that's my motorcycle) down Sheridan Road, a long, winding, beautiful road that runs parallel with Lake Michigan and runs all the way into the city of Chicago, I had a revelation. A revelation that there is something out there.

But I also came to the realization that "it" isn't working with me, I have to work with "it". It doesn't work for me either. "It's" just there, waiting patiently for me to show up and take action, think positively and be kind. Through this, I will build momentum.

It's like sitting there in front of a big blank canvas. It doesn't matter how long I sit there and stare at it, it will still be a blank canvas offering nothing. It doesn't matter how much I talk about doing it, pray that it will get done, or will it to be a beautiful piece of art, it will still be a blank canvas.

I have everything I need to make it colorful and expressive; paints, paintbrushes, water, a palette and the canvas. Without me, these things will just sit there. Lifeless. Blank.
 
Until I physically engage with the tools around me and pick up the brushes, dip them in the paint and apply it to the canvas, it will remain a blank canvas. I have to do the work. I have to smear the paint. Then I have something to share.

I know, I know, you're all like, Duuuhh...but I already told you, I'm a little slow sometimes.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that little thought with you. That's it that's all.

~Live Happy

One Shoe

Hellloo??? Where do these come from? How do they get there?

Have you ever been a passenger in a car gazing out the window and off to the side of the road you see a shoe? Where in the hell did that shoe come from? I mean, it's not like you see one, maybe two shoes on the side of the road in a lifetime, you see them all the time. And I say 'you' because I know that you know exactly what I'm talking about. Now how weird is that?

I can understand a flip flop here or there, but I see gym shoes-high tops no less, dress shoes, slippers, all kinds of shoes on the side of the road. And it's just one! WTF?

Was a couple fighting in the car and Sally took off her shoe and decided to start wailing on her boyfriend? Did he then get the shoe from her and whip it out the window?
I know that when people get hit by cars they get knocked out of their shoes, but this is way too many and there's only one!

Was someone fleeing from the FBI and needed to de-clothe? (It's a word now.) If so, why aren't their clothes strewn about trailing behind the lonely sole? Where is the other damn shoe? Are that many people throwing out just one shoe? They can't possibly be losing them. Wouldn't you notice if you were walking down the street and your shoe fell off? A high top can't just fall off.

Is there some kind of shoe protest going on that I don't know about?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who wonders about this. You must have conversations about the damn shoe with your people when you pass a single sole on the side of the road.

Someone please tell me what this is all about so I can sleep at night. Share with me your wisdom and insight, and if you don't know the answer, just make shit up. Even if you do know, just make shit up anyway.

Hey! I know! We can collect them and do this:

Okay now, I'd like to give a quick shout out to my pals who have been so encouraging and supportive. Okay, maybe it won't be short...but I strongly suggest you go visit these blogs if you haven't already.

Terry over at A Writer of Wrongs. I have had the privilege of reading his first novel that will be published soon, I just know it will. I get to say that I have an original copy of the manuscript before it was published even though he's revised it already. He is a great writer. He has the ability to capture you and keep you wanting more. AND he has really pushed and encouraged me to continue with my own dreams. He has a way of telling you the truth without being harsh or offending. Something I could only dream of being able to do. He pushes on even when he doesn't want to and I find that quite inspiring. Thanks for listening to my sniveling and whining.

Meleah at Momma Mia, Mea Culpa has a knack for telling you all about her little adventures out in the world. She makes me laugh every time and she has such a wonderful family and shares about her journey with them. She is an inspiration to Do Things Differently in order to change your life for the better. I can't wait to meet you Mel.

Then there's Marty. He's doing a 365 day bar crawl. He finds some interesting characters and great bars. It's summer time and he's in New York. So if you want to know of the cool places you can visit while you're there get over to his blog and take a look. Let's not have him destroy his liver in vain. Oh. And he's got some pretty entertaining and funny books out there.

Dana at Confessions of a Random Chick happens to tickle my fancy. She's pretty funny and I can relate to all of her randomness. She has published a book recently called Stupid Poetry. YAY Dana! (Yes, I bought it).
 
Last but not least DL at Cruising Altitude. He's having a contest called THIS IS SPARTA-A 300 Celebration. The prizes are incredible and he never requires alot from his followers. The contest is over at the end of May so get over there, follow and comment. His new goal is to have a follower from every state in the U.S. and at least one from every country. So go help out a fellow blogger who has much to offer and is also very talented.

Love you guys.

~Live Happy

Let's start a crit group of our own

Megan Rebekah's The Write Stuff has a great idea for a crit group. I think we should follow suit because I really need some help and accountability.
We could have a private blog where we post our stuff and crtique each others work. We could set deadlines, maybe pick a day of the week to post. Then everyone can meet once a year to go to a writers conference.
I need some more input on all of this though.

What do you guys think? Who's in? I'm totally serious about this. Either comment here or e-mail me and let me know of any ideas and who would like to do this with me.

~Live Happy

My Muse Is Not Happy With Me

My muse has left the building. He's fed up with my lack of being able to go with his flow. He threw his banana peel at me as he slammed the door behind him. I begged him not to go but he didn't care. He said he'd come back and check on me in few days to see if I'm ready to stop sniveling and get to work. So what did I do? I immediately got to work and made a huge decision that I've been hemming and hawing about for years now. I'm going blond! Yep, you heard me, that's what I decided to do.

I got to work immediately. I watched endless you tube videos of teenage girls going from dark to platinum. I learned a bit about the trends that are going on right now too. Could be some good material in there for my WIP or even a future book but for now back to going blond. I really wanted platinum just to see what it would look like. Most of these girls all had the same exact directions and advice on how to go about it and what products to use so I figured, well, there must be something to this. So I went to Sally's Beauty Supply.

It took me three days, two boxes of color, two bleachings, two tonings and a hair cut. What am I left with you ask? Yes, I still have hair. It held up pretty well considering the torture I put it through. But after each process I did a deep conditioning reconstructing treatment so I think that helped. That was my idea. ;) My hair is almost white with some slight yellowish tint. No. You're not getting pictures, use your imagination!

My hairdresser was not happy with me. I told her to shut her mouth, I thought I did a pretty good job, just cut my hair. I'll give it a couple of weeks to heal and then I'll do the final bleaching, until then I'll just have to get some great new trendy hats. I've always wanted to do a hat thing. Maybe you'll get pictures then.

I just want you to know, I feel refreshed and ready to get back together with my muse.
I think I hear him coming in the door. Oh, he won't even recognize me. I can't wait 'til he sees what I've done with our time apart. I hope he likes my hair.

~Live Happy

P.S. I did get about 3,000 words on paper today. Maybe I'll be able to use five of them if I'm lucky.

GEMS Video

This is a video that Mary J. Blige, Sinead O'Connor and Martha B put together for an organization called GEMS, an organization that empowers, educates and mentors women and children that have been commercially sexually exploited or domestically trafficked.

GEMS Mission Statement:

GEMS is a non-profit organization that helps and educates women and children that have been victims of human trafficking.

The name of the song; This Is To Mother You.
You can watch the video here.
Or Here.
There is a picture of me and my daughter at the end. It's the last picture they show.

Just wanted to share this with you because it's something I'm passionate about.  Thanks for checking it out.

~Live Happy

I'm Married!

We did it! We jumped over the broom. Literally.

We got married on Monday, May 10th, the anniversary of our first date five years ago. We didn't know it was a first date until after the fact.

A little over five years ago Dave and I were introduced through a mutual friend. His nick name at the time was Harley Davidson Dave because of his love for riding and building motorcycles. I had called him a few months after we were introduced because I was looking for a used motorcycle. It took some time but he approached me on Mother's Day at Route 66 drag strip, we were both there for the events going on that day. He told me he knew of a motorcycle that would be perfect for me. Of course my response was, "How much is it?"
His reply was, "It's free." I said "shut up", he said "no I'm serious" and this is how the conversation went for a minute.

That Tuesday (May 10) he picked me up at my house on his bike and we rode all the way out to Wildwood to look at this bike. It was in great condition but it was a Kawasaki. Not what I wanted, but it was free so how could I resist?! This was supposed to be the end and he would take me home.

He made a phone call and  turned to me and said, "Well, my brother's making ribs at his house, do you want to go?"
"Umm, okay, where does he live?"
"Lake Geneva."
It was the most beautiful spring day and I love Lake Geneva and ribs, so I figured 'what the hell.'

We took a ride around the neighborhood that we were currently in and I fell in love with the houses, the people, the lake...There were people out jogging and walking their dogs, their children, etc... It seemed like one of those perfect little villages. I felt a sense of community as we rode down all of the winding roads and could smell all of the flowers blooming. It was the perfect day. I made a comment that this is exactly the kind of neighborhood I would love to live in.

We went to his brothers and it was perfect. All of Dave's nieces and nephews were fabulous and the sunset was amazing that night. Dave and I haven't left each others side ever since. We both talked about how it would only be a summer fling and then came fall and then came winter and so on. A year and a month later we bought a house in that wonderful neighborhood. It was everything I expected and more. I have made great friends with our neighbors and we have dinners together and all sorts of things.

Dave and I were going to get married at the court house and call it a day, but the neighbors wouldn't allow that to happen. They hooked us up with this oh-so-wonderful minister that was willing to perform the ceremony that Dave and I had written and stay true to our beliefs, not hers. The neighbors, our friends, all took a part in bringing this together. One of them brought all the food, the other ordered the cake and desserts, one of them video taped it and made us a beautiful wedding dvd, Dave's mom brought a ton of beautiful flowers in pots so that I could keep them and plant them in our yard. It was the most amazing celebration and the way everyone came together made it that much more special. I am still in awe at how fantastic everyone was.

I had no idea that people like this existed. They have restored my faith in humankind. We have all made plans to organize sports games and trips for all of us. Ultimate frisbee, volleyball, canoeing, kayaking, etc...
We have already reserved a lodge in Missouri on the Black River in the Ozarks for a week in the summer. We're doing Jaws in the park Memorial weekend on our lake on a huge projection screen and getting the whole neighborhood together. We are taking classes and learning how to manage a community organic garden so we can have tasty veggies all summer long.

I have to say, a little kindness goes such a long way. We have all had our own experiences in our lives, but I don't feel judged by these people and they are not judged by me. It is more than I could have ever thought to ask for.

And now for some  pictures...

We are walking to the lake to get married. Walking with the minister are our friends Susan and Steve.

This is Dave's Mom. She has an abundance of amazingness.

Here we are getting married.

Here we are jumping over a broom crossed with a sword.

The broom represents sweeping and cleaning up, leaving the past behind and starting with a clean slate. 

The sword represents power and personal responsibility.

My wonderful, beautiful, perfect children.

I just can't seem to take a normal picture, EVER!

Making it legal.

Okay, I won't bore you with anymore pictures. I wish you were there.

So, Dave and I want to thank everyone but I have no idea what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions that are reasonably priced?

Five Questions

Thank you Terry  for tagging me. It will help bring me out of that dreadful place I was in.

Five questions with five answers each, then choosing five people to pass it on to.
Warning: I am quite the boring person so read at your own risk. Make sure you have some synthetic energy handy.

Where were you five years ago?

~ Going on my first date with Dave saying it was just a summer fling
~ Working as a painter, painting and restoring homes
~ Finishing up what seemed to be an endless cycle from a four year psychotic stalker
~ Obsessing about writing a book wanting to be a writer
~ Having dinners every Sunday at my house with tons of recovering addicts, in which everyone got their turn to bring a dinner and cook for everyone

Where would you like to be in five years?

~ A published author drawing from my never ending well of creativity working on more books
~ Living in Italy
~ Running a fun business that benefits people and brings them together
~ Running a foundation for single mothers and children to give them an opportunity at a good education and quality of life. (It all starts with the kids)
~ Traveling with Dave on our motorcycles

What is on your to-do list today?

~ Call the lady reverend to marry Dave and I on Monday
~ Pay my bills
~ E-mail Terry my overview of his novel (I finished it three days ago)
~ Work out
~ Get back to working on my book (and off the pity-pot because I've now got a ring around my ass)


What snacks do you enjoy?

~ Baby spinach, tomato, green pepper and onions, dressed in olive-oil, balsamic vinegar, basil, salt and pepper
~ Edimame with plenty o' salt
~ Cottage cheese
~ Crescent rolls baked with German bakers chocolate sprinkled with coconut
~ Chocolate fondue with strawberries, cherries and bananas

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?
~ Set up accounts for my children
~ Open a place of business for people to network and have good time and open Dave's bike shop
~ Start a singe mom foundation to insure the best possible life for them and their children, making sure that education is readily available to them
~ Buy a home in Italy with a vineyard, write and travel
~ I would have my Harley completely worked over into tip top shape and of course whatever Dave wants.  Oh. And I would have a house boat to travel the ocean at my leisure and catch really big fish. I love the ocean

I know that's more than five but that's the way it is.

Tagging

Meleah ~ Mama Mia Mea Culpa

Dana ~ Random Chick

Hannah ~ Musings of a Palindrome

Laura ~ Thoughts of a Career Woman

Kellie ~ Womens Life Link

Thank you guys for your encouragement and support saving me from my momentary lapse of out of character insanity. I love you guys.

Letting go and being grateful

I know it's been a while. Last week I took the time to distance myself from writing. Lately I have been questioning what I am meant to do. I won't bore you with the story of my life, but I used to believe that I could achieve my dreams if I tried hard enough. Two years ago I decided to commit myself fully to my dreams. I grew tired of working job after job that stole my soul. I have many certifications and licenses but no 'real' degree. I hated school while growing up and I couldn't fathom the idea of another four years of the same thing. Especially repeating alot of the classes that I had taken for twelve years of my life. It seemed pointless, senseless and a huge waste of time and money to take math, english, science and any of the gen ed. classes. It also seemed pointless to go to classes that didn't pertain to the field. I still feel this way. I was a young single mother and didn't have all that extra time and money to obtain a degree.


Now that my children are pretty much self-sufficient and have their own lives I decided to take the time to chase my dream. I was done having a job just to pay the bills and survive. To me that is not living. It has been two years since I made that decision active. I was the frog that actually jumped off of the log. The first year was alot of research and learning. This last year has been spent putting myself out there, making myself available and writing everyday. I have struggled but taken all the action that I possibly can and it is proving to be unfruitful. I am out of time, money and self-esteem.

Last week I took a break from writing as I said earlier. I still read because I love reading but I took care of the spring cleaning and built some flower boxes and bought some new lovely tropical plants for the yard. Money I truly didn't have to spend mind you but it was worth it. I heaved piles of dirt and river rock all day Saturday and it was wonderful. I have been running everyday on the treadmill and reading while doing so. It's amazing how that passes the time. I have prayed and meditated endlessly all week hoping something would come to me, some answers about what I am supposed to be doing. I journal every morning and walk my dog everyday. I get my children where they need to go and encourage them to follow their dreams.


As I did the things I needed to do last week I thought that I might be inspired or something might come to me through the back door. It didn't. Before I decided to take this break I was seriously questioning what I am doing. I have come to the realization that I  have a great life. I have two beautiful healthy children, I am about to marry the best man I have ever known in my life and I have a beautiful home and a motorcycle I have always wanted. I don't have many close friends by choice because I attract people that aren't capable of being honest and loyal, two qualities that I have and am very adamant about. I am also a firm believer in practicing what I preach. I don't ever suggest to anyone anything I haven't done or am not doing myself. I don't share about anything I have no experience with. So as I was encouraging my kids to follow their dreams and telling them they can do anything or be anything they want, I had to put that into action in my own life.

This has proven to be fruitless thus far. I also believe that if I am on the path to what I was meant to do that things will fall into place and opportunities will start to come. This has not happened and I think that two years is a long time to put effort into something with no return. Yes, I love writing, but simply loving writing doesn't pay the bills. All the years that I worked a 'real' job I did attempt to write on the side but it didn't allow much time for all of the other joys in my life so I put the writing away until two years ago. Working a forty hour a week job and then writing during my free time wasn't an option for me. Some people would then say, "Then I guess writing isn't that important to you." Well, then I guess not.

I was a hopeless junkie ten years ago when I decided I wanted to change my life. I got clean and got to work on myself. As I have progressed and matured I started to believe that I deserved to achieve my dreams. I began to dream and have long term goals. I started to believe it was possible to change the course of my life. I am easy to encourage because I am quite gullible.  I am also very proactive in my life's mission to become more of what I am.

After the way I have lived my life in the past, I have more than I deserve right now. I guess it's somewhat arrogant to think that I could actually love what I do and make a decent living at it. If I got what I deserved, I'd probably be dead. So I am working on accepting what I have and just being grateful for that. Things have not fallen into place and no opportunities have arose, so I am afraid that I will have to go back to a 'real' job and let go of my dreams.


When my kids point out the eight gray hairs that I have acquired recently, I tell them that I love my gray hair. They look at me as if I am an alien from another planet. I leave it at that with them but I know the truth and the truth is that I never thought I would make it to an age where I could actually have gray hair. Well, I have made it and that will have to be enough. I have a nice life. So what if I have to work for someone else helping them to achieve their dreams and goals. At least I am giving something back. 

I love the connections I have found here via the internet and I love doing this blog thing. Unfortunately I have not found the direction that I need to keep me going and moving forward in this endeavor.


I still plan on maintaining my blog here, I love you guys too much to leave and we'll see what happens. Hopefully I don't lose too many of you.

Addiction to reading and writing

Here's the thing. I can't seem to stop compartmentalizing my life. I am calling this WIP fiction because it is based on my life and if my memory serves me correctly, it doesn't serve me correctly. Everything I am writing is based on my truth to the best of my ability and perception. Perception is a tricky thing as I'm sure you all know.

I have four separate documents going, they are all the different phases of  my life and then there's Shay.
My life really did go in phases as I look back. Each and every one of them was a life time. I have been to the dark side, the very dark side and I found my way out. And the funny thing about that is, I didn't even know it was bad until I started crawling out of the muck. I lose my breath sometimes when I think about it. For the grace of...

Anyway, I am at the B&N right now posting this. My intention was to pick up Bird by Bird and here I sit with four books in front of me. Now, I have four at home to read, one of which I am a beta for and it is top priority. I will not touch read any other book until TDYDK is finished. I promise.

I am usually pretty good about writing down the books I have found that I want and purchasing only one from the bookstore. I then go home and buy them from Amazon or B&N because I can read the purchased book while I am waiting for the others to ship. This time I can't. I have to have these books.  I own the Stephen King: On Writing Horror, but now I want On Writing.Why? Because I started to read the first few pages and realized how similar our lives were in some areas. And he's one of my favorites. The other one is also by Stephen King, Bag of Bones. I keep hearing about this book and how good it is. There it was sitting on the shelf waiting for me to pick it up and take it home. How could I resist?

I'm not buying the other one, so it's not even worth mentioning.

I have been able to write about 3,000 words so far this week. It wears on me to recollect a lot of my past so I have been fairly easy on myself this week. Even though I can't decide exactly how I am going to present this piece of mine I am writing.

That's it for now. I'll post more later. Maybe.

Love you guys.

~Live Happy

Shay here. I can't believe I finally got on here without her knowing. I see that Gina has quite the struggle listening to me when I'm trying to tell her my story. Hopefully she can get her own ideas out the way and eventually relax into mine.
I thought I would make an appearance here so I don't fade away. I thought Sunday would be a good day to do this since she is NEVER here on Sundays. Hmmph, must be her day off or something. Ah well, who cares, I just wanted to have my own voice since she's got her head momentarily up her ass.

I have found that I am at my most creative and inspired after I have been out in public interacting the human race. As irritated as i can get with that sometimes I find it is when I am most connected. I know that when I am irritated with mostly everyone on earth it is usually because I have something to work out with myself. This knowledge doesn't make me any more tolerant towards people it just allows me to take a closer look at me and work out whatever kinks decided to surface. My point is that when I can get out and talk with someone or help someone that I don't know, I am more inclined to create.

It is different than doing this with people I know. For one, it's comfortable and that in itself can stifle my creative process. And for two, if I don't know someone, I am free of judgment and expectation. I have no association with any guilt, joy or memories with this person so in a sense I am more free.

Doing something with no expectation and just for the sake of doing it does something to my spirit. It makes me want to keep doing it and suddenly a momentum is building.

Fuzzy Memories

For those of you that don't know, I am working on a novel that is loosely based on my personal experience.
As I was finishing up a chapter yesterday, I realized that my memory was a bit fuzzy on some things. Out of curiosity, I had called my mother to get some answers.

For whatever reason I have the ability to think about these times in a comical way. I look back and many things were so absolutely absurd that it's hard not laugh sometimes.

I couldn't quite remember how this particular incident ended. If I were to tell the story, I guess it sounds quite tragic, but it really isn't anything I wasn't used to. By the age of seven I had surrendered to what my life would be like. I knew it wasn't right but I was also aware that I was seven and I had no choice in the matter.

When I called, I warned my mother that the question was a bit odd and out of nowhere. I had explained to her what prompted the question and let her know it was coming from a place of humor. I wanted to brace her for the question. My mother can be a bit over reactive. Bless her heart.

"Do you remember when we lived with so-and-so? What had happened after you hit him over the head with a baseball bat?"

She was silent. I proceeded to tell her what I remembered. It turns out the reason she did it and why I thought she did it were close. Same subject, different findings.

She did throw in that she had complete control while swinging this bat at his head. ??? I just laughed.

It turns out that my mother was not arrested as I had thought and, he lived, which I knew but I just thought I'd let you guys know.  Eventually when I finish the book, you will all be able to read about this adventure and many more that Shay will be taking on vicariously through me.

So far between Monday and now, I have written 10,000 words, with a slight interruption for an emergency with my dog. She's ok now, just some minor surgery for an aging girl.

I was also offered an opportunity to be a beta reader for an upcoming author, Terry Towery. I am enthralled with The Devil You Don't Know, but unfortunately only get pockets of time to read it. It is a great read and I know you will all be looking for his name on bookshelves soon.

Ta~ta for now.

~Live Happy

My Blog Is Carbon Neutral

I am now the proud sponsor of a tree. YAY! It is scheduled to be planted on April 19th. Me and my new tree are going to work together on keeping my carbon footprint as small as possible. My computer puts off the carbon and my tree absorbs it.
Have a tree planted for free to neutralize the carbon from your blog or website.
Just send an e-mail to: CO2-neutral@kaufda.de with your blog link and they will plant a tree for you and list your blog as a participant.


You can read more about this at:
http://www.kaufda.de/umwelt/carbon-neutral/1-tree-1-blog-how-it-works/
Just write a short blog post about the program “My blog is carbon neutral” and include one of the buttons on your site (ideally in the sidebar). Send the link to your blog to CO2-neutral@kaufda.de and we plant a tree for you, neutralizing the carbon dioxide emissions of your blog. The trees will be planted in the spring of 2010 by the Arbor Day Foundation.

Of course I have multiple personalities ~ I'm a writer

Good afternoon my wonderful blogger friends. I just wanted to share my week with you and where I'm at with all of this.

While writing this novel, I have questioned what I am doing a few bazillion times, but I keep forging through. I have gotten so many wonderful suggestions and have tried them all, or, well, most of them. The best advice I have received so far, in hindsight, is just write the damn story. Just write. And every time I get that suggestion, it's exactly what I do. This is how I have gotten as far as I have.

I keep changing my mind about how I want my first novel to be so I have three different stories going all with the same theme. There is one in particular that I keep going back to. So, I decided to put everything I have written in order. I have found that what works for me is to write what comes to my mind that day. Forcing myself to write in order wasn't working, not at this point anyway. Maybe as I get more seasoned that tactic might bode well.

When I write, I write furiously and nothing else exists on this planet. After I finish emptying my brain onto the page, I think about the frame and then title the chapter so that I know what it's about. I had no idea what I was doing, and still don't, but as I have gone through, I can actually see order. It is making more and more sense as I move forward. Like I said before, some of the characters decided that what I was writing wasn't doing them justice, so they did their own thing and I'm grateful they did and that I allowed them to do so.

This process can make me feel as if I should be committed from time to time, but it's definitely worth it and as I go through it, I see more clearly than I did before.

Of course I have moments where I am completely mortified by the realization that after all of this, there is that HUGE possibility that no one will want to read this thing. It's those moments that I begin the endless spiral toward an emotional breakdown. It happened this week. And although it feels as if I got next to nothing done this week, in my defense, I was interrupted by my sadistic side.

For the week, I have an estimate of about 6,000 words into the novel. Not a lot I know, seeing as some days I can jam out 8,000, but it is what it is.

I worked on my box, chest, whatever you want to call it, either way it has "other" connotations, and I'm just not happy with it. The curtains still aren't finished and the ideas aren't coming to me. It's frustrating. So what I'm thinking, is I may put that one aside for a minute and start on another piece.

Part of the problem is that I work so much better under extreme pressure and this whole freedom thing is tripping me up a bit. I have tried to trick my little sadist by giving it a fake deadline, but she's too smart for that. So I will continue to just learn as I go and confront the evil little troglodytes as they pop up.

Well, as much as I would love to ramble on and on I have a smelly dog to bathe. Happy Saturday.

~Live Happy

Visions and Laughter

Have you guys ever been in the middle of a conversation with someone when out of nowhere you have a vision of just whipping an apple at their head? Or while they're talking to you and nibbling on something, just walking over with a dead pan expression and slapping their stupid little treat right out of their hand? Well, I do. This happens to me quite often.

When this happens, I can't help but to burst out laughing and then I'm sure you can picture the look on someone's face while in the midst of their story, I just begin to giggle uncontrollably. I actually have to make myself concentrate at times so that these images don't interrupt what I am doing in the moment. The best is when I'm alone and this happens. Then I laugh even harder when I hear my own laughter and realize I'm by myself laughing my ass off. (Please don't commit me).

Well, both of my children have the same idiosyncrasy. My daughter and I were sitting at McDonald's innocently eating our Big Mac's when a guy walked by our table and my daughter just broke out in hysterics, which made me do the same. When she could catch her breath enough she began to tell me that as the guy was walking by, she said, "Wouldn't it be funny if he just took our Big Mac's and threw them on the floor and kept walking?"  We laughed so hard tears came to our eyes. And my laugh is one that causes my body to jerk uncontrollably, rock back and forth and you can hear it from across the street. Periodically throughout the day this image will flash through our minds and we crack up again.

It could happen at any time, anywhere and out of nowhere, I just laugh. The people who know me, know what's going on and I'm sure it might be quite embarrassing at times for them but it's a curse I (we) have to live with. And they have learned not to ask, "What?" because it takes me a good hour to explain what I just saw due to a lack of oxygen and ongoing bouts of laughter.

I used to enjoy this affliction before I realized that most people don't find it as humorous as I do when I try and explain the picture. "Whipping an apple at someone's head? My gosh, they could be seriously hurt," someone might say to me. Then of course I feel like an evil soul that has come to roam the earth for an eternity of obscene visions and twisted laughter.

Sadly enough, it even happens to me at funerals which I won't go into here. I'm sure you can come up with your own scenarios, which would make you agree with most people in  my life saying that I have a sick sense of humor.

But now, I guess it's not a curse after all, someone has sent me a girl and a boy who can enjoy these little glimpses of hilarity with me. YAY!

~Live Happy

Oh, and so far this week I have cranked out an estimate of 8,000 words. I'm finding that I am going back trying to remember who had green eyes and who had blue or if they are returning the keys or the gun. And every now and then Shay and Jake will carry on their own little conversation that doesn't quite go along with the plan I had for them but I'm going with it.

For now, I'll just write and edit later.

As far as my painting goes, I spent all week trying to find the right red. I also bought myself some pastels. WooHoo! Oh how I love pastels. I tend to draw on my walls every now and then so I figure the non-oil-based pastels would be best for washing off if necessary. Dave thinks the stick figure with big hair walking across our living room wall on a tight rope is kind of dumb, but I like it.

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